Changing the face of queer society.

This will be an evolving post as I listen and research further but here is the start of an idea. A challenge. A thought. Please comment and add your own thoughts.

It feels like there is a disconnect between queer environments which are liberating because they create an environment where queer intimacy is encouraged and what the code of that environment should be. I think it is really easy. Consent is the code. Yet too often entry is perceived as consent rather than an individual’s right to choose what physical attention they are or are not comfortable with.

The hyper sexualised environment that queer events create are vital to the community as they provide a space absent of homophobic constructs, but they have also isolated many in the queer community. The sexual harassment which rampantly thrives under assumed consent is adversely affecting the safety of these spaces.

As a queer woman I would never accept unwanted attention from a male irrespective of sexuality. I would assert myself and make my discomfort well known. However many times at queer events I have been violated by queer women who have pinned me against walls, put their hands up my skirt or taken upon themselves to undo my pants on a dance floor. In many of these cases I haven’t instigated or indicated in anyway this attention is wanted, instead my entry to the event has been assumed as consent. Immediately a space that aims to provide a sense of belonging becomes isolating because I am “prudish,” “frigid” or worse “a loser for calling out sexual violence.”

Well it is time to get uncomfortable, as uncomfortable as these people who have been violated feel. After putting a call out on Facebook and Twitter it became apparent this is an ongoing issue and many in the LGBTQI community feel they can’t attend these perceived safe spaces because they will be harassed or violated.

How we create that safety again I am not sure, but it has to start with consent. We need to act with dignity, respect and empathy. Despite your desire, acknowledge someone’s comfort. Wait to be invited into their space. Remember that NO means NO! Fuck, can’t believe I have to write that.
This isn’t about draining passion or lust from our communities but remember that the world absent of violence, the world we strive for, has to start with our own actions. Abuse and harassment are multifaceted beasts, lets tackle this manifestation with the understanding of consent, not the presumption of it.